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I am my own man [Dec. 23rd, 2004|01:44 am]
[mood |restlessrestless]
[music |I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For- U2]

Just to clarify,

We've all got problems. We've all got stress. We've all got bad things happening in our lives. We've all got good things happening in our lives. We're all pretty scared about what the future holds. None of us really knows. We all just want to be accepted. We all want to fit in. We all want to succeed. We all want love. We all are really excited but confused at the same time.

To stop using the group terminology, I am included in all of these things. No one should take a narrow approach and think that they are alone in these feelings, or that I am not.

However, I am my own man. I am doing things in my life for ME. How am I doing things? The right way, or what I think is the right way. I'm not always right, but I'm trying to be. I'm trying to improve myself every day.

I have made mistakes, and I will make some more. But I learn from them.

Some people doubt whether I am always doing things for me. Well, believe it or not, I have made some pretty big decisions all on my own. You don't have to agree with them. If you think it's a mistake, I'll probably find out in my own good time. But don't hate me for it.

What big decisions have I made? Well... I won't tell you here. Talk to me about because I will tell you.

Life is confusing, but I don't make any excuses. My life is the way it is because of the way I have chosen to live my life. Finding my way through it all is what makes life fun and exciting.

On another note... it's almost christmas! I haven't thought about it too much because my exams have gone so late, but I can tell you without even thinking: There's really only one thing I want for Christmas. Will I get it? I hope so...

PS- I've learned that the only way to not have hopes dashed are to set expectations increasingly low. Kinda depressing and I learn it the hard way every time... but it's true
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What a weekend! [Nov. 7th, 2004|11:54 pm]
[mood |giddygiddy]
[music |The Duke's "Prelude to a Kiss" and "In a Sentimental Mood"]

I haven't written for awhile, but this weekend was so good I couldn't help it! Let's see here... where to begin. On Friday, after finishing classes, I went to the lost and found at the music building and picked up two coats, two hats, and one pair of gloves I thought I had lost.

Then after that, I got my things together and went to Kalamazoo! I dropped off all my instruments at the Knific's house (more on that later) and then saw Melissa after tech was done at about 11:00. I haven't seen her for awhile. It was just so nice to see her walking across the parking lot. I had to jump out of my car and run to her and give her a hug! I remember that night was very cold, but not at that moment. It was just two people embracing each other.

So seeing Melissa Friday was definitely bien. She seemed a little pre-occupied at times. She is very busy, lots going on. But she is so amazing and I had a great time with her! I don't know how she does it sometimes. I can't say enough about what she means to me, how much I love her.

So then on Saturday, after a solid night's rest (first one of those in a long time), I went back to the Knific's for rehearsal for our gig that night. It was very nice to see them all again - Mrs K, Gene, the dog Josephine, Mr K, and John. I've missed jamming with the band, which was taken care of. It was also good to see Mr. K, as I will probably be seeing a lot more of him next semester.

So we drove out to the gig and had a lot of fun jamming at the South Haven Yacht Club. The people were very receptive and nice to us. We had a good time talking to some of the guest, the waitresses, and one of the bartenders was nice to me! She showed me how to work the stuff behind the bar. So I'm sort of a pro now (not really). A lot of fun. I got back to Knific's house and crashed! It was so nice. I woke up Sunday at noon. I have not gotten so much sleep two days in a row since the summer.

Sunday was another great day. I went to lunch with Melissa and took her to a place she'd never been before (Klein's). I like going to new places with her... we always seem to do something new! And then the highlight of Sunday was seeing Melissa perform. I've been to all of her shows as a member of the pit, but I've never been able to kick back and watch her do her thing.

It was great to see her perform close up. She is so talented and she derives her commanding performances from a great desire within her. You can see it. Her face, her body. They all light up when she is performing. I thoroughly enjoyed the play. It was called "You have the right to remain silent." It was a very powerful show with good music. It highlighted the things in life that are more important than words - love, loss, tragedy, justice. I was so glad to be able to see her perform! When she was on stage, all I could watch was her. It was as if I had a tunnel to her.

So then I drove home and did homework. Blah. But what a great weekend! There are so many great things going on. I can't help but smile when I sit back and count all the great things going on.

Well, I could go on and on. But I must save it for when I have something else to write about! To sum up, I am really happy right now!
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